So Much For Bitterness: Ugly Girl by Fleming and John

Ever heard of this song? This song's lyrics is just way too funny. It never failed to make me grin every time I hear it. :-)

When I saw you at the grocery store
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say

you introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can't you see you're leaving me for an ugly girl

does she talk about politics and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late oh she's so great
does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she can grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
it's not fair I can't compare to an ugly girl

ha ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face there's no way

do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold can't you see
you're leaving me for an ugly girl